Counting the days since you left… I’ve been on planes, trains & boats. Looking for new adventures – anything to make me feel alive, give me the peace I search for- the peace I hope you’ve found.
I’ve swam in lakes, rivers and oceans. I’ve been on the flattest of prairie lands, the whitest of beaches to the summits of snowy mountain tops. I’ve watched the sun rise and set over countless countries and horizons.
What I can say is I feel you everywhere I go.
I feel you on my skin when a breeze hits and gives me a chill. I feel you when the sun warms my skin. I stop every time – I close my eyes and feel that breeze, that warmth… those chills. I let it soak in for as long as the moment can last – pleading for it to last — The calmness hits because I finally feel you.
I feel you when I look into the sky, when the moon shines down on me mid night- mid crowd, I feel you most when I’m laughing – I feel you when I’m on the road and one of our songs come on. Do you remember how we sent a new song to each other every day? I do.
I think of you when I am in the middle of an adventure wondering if you’re looking over sharing it with me. Do you see what I see? I’m taking you with me – I promise. I haven’t left you behind.
I wonder what you would think if you saw the coast of Hawaii on the road to Hana or the endless Mountain Tops that I think of you on. The thrill of the snow hitting my face when snowboarding – without you by my side racing. Speeding down a country road in a Maserati – you would have loved that. I can picture your grin, you’re smiling with me right?
I went to Haleakala and I sat above the clouds. The same clouds I look up to when I’m missing you and picture you staring down. Love, I looked up – there were no more clouds – I was above them all – where are you now? The sun set down the mountain in billowing clouds of orange, the stars came out and I cried driving down the winding roads. Where are you?
This is the first time I’m scared – I don’t know where you are. Will I see you again? Will these memories fade and leave me? Was that really it? Tell me I’m not alone. You’re here right?
A lifetime without you but not an eternity, right?
I opened the window and the breeze hit me… chills. I feel you.